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Monday, May 31, 2010

My mother

I recently attended a week long workshop entitled," This Beautiful Wound" presented by Mirabai Starr at Omega, in Rhinebeck ,NY. The workshop description stated that grief and loss can be a spiritual blessings and a loving way to know God. Mirabai has herself known exquisite loss and created a sanctuary for eight women to heal and sit with very deep grief. I learned so many things about death , loss , courage , tears and transformation during that week.
Although, I have grieved my entire life, I don't think that I really understood it until now.
I began grieving the year before I was born since my Mother lost her only brother in a training mission during that time. Bobby was 21 and always wanted to be a pilot. During WWII, he was training as a bombadier navigator on a flight that left North Carolina and headed to the Bahamas. He never made it and the plane went down in the Bermuda triangle. My mother was devastated by this loss and lived with parents who would not then nor ever speak about his tragic death.
She has four children, three marriages, plays fabulous piano music, plays tennis three times a week, swims in the lake 2 miles at a time. She has lots of friends and is socially active, believing in justice and equality at all levels. She has always been open minded about all kinds of life styles and has never shown prejudice to my knowledge.
With all of this, she has lived with heart breaking depression through out her life. Pema Chodren says that the most courageous person is the person with the most fears. My mother has so many fears and she keeps living everyday . It is often very hard to see our mothers clearly. We usually think that they are so much better or worse than they really are. With this workshop, maturity and my own compassion, I can see my Mom as a tremendously courageous woman who always wanted to do the right thing but often could not. My mother is 84 and I honor her life and the sacrifices that she has made to love and keep my siblings and myself safe.
I love you Mom.