My mother

I recently attended a week long workshop entitled," This Beautiful Wound" presented by Mirabai Starr at Omega, in Rhinebeck ,NY. The workshop description stated that grief and loss can be a spiritual blessings and a loving way to know God. Mirabai has herself known exquisite loss and created a sanctuary for eight women to heal and sit with very deep grief. I learned so many things about death , loss , courage , tears and transformation during that week.
Although, I have grieved my entire life, I don't think that I really understood it until now.
I began grieving the year before I was born since my Mother lost her only brother in a training mission during that time. Bobby was 21 and always wanted to be a pilot. During WWII, he was training as a bombadier navigator on a flight that left North Carolina and headed to the Bahamas. He never made it and the plane went down in the Bermuda triangle. My mother was devastated by this loss and lived with parents who would not then nor ever speak about his tragic death.
She has four children, three marriages, plays fabulous piano music, plays tennis three times a week, swims in the lake 2 miles at a time. She has lots of friends and is socially active, believing in justice and equality at all levels. She has always been open minded about all kinds of life styles and has never shown prejudice to my knowledge.
With all of this, she has lived with heart breaking depression through out her life. Pema Chodren says that the most courageous person is the person with the most fears. My mother has so many fears and she keeps living everyday . It is often very hard to see our mothers clearly. We usually think that they are so much better or worse than they really are. With this workshop, maturity and my own compassion, I can see my Mom as a tremendously courageous woman who always wanted to do the right thing but often could not. My mother is 84 and I honor her life and the sacrifices that she has made to love and keep my siblings and myself safe.
I love you Mom.

meditations on spring

I am sitting ,like many others, in great anticipation of spring. I am so looking forward to our world warming up and seeing the changes that transform our corner of the world. IT is beautiful in New Jersey in the spring. We go through so many layers of change, We begin with the crocuses and snow drops that break through the chilled earth. Then we see the daffodils in so hues of yellows and whites. As I walk along the D & R canal, I start seeing the turtles coming out on warm days. They quit their hibernation and seek the sun on rocks and branches in the water. I love seeing them come out of the murky depths and begin to dry out .
So this year, a lovely meditation would be to notice the changes that you have made since last year as you are noticing the changes in nature around you. The changes could be seen , both internalyl and externally, ie changing jobs , relationships, eating habits, kinder conversations with health insurance representatives and politicians , and kinder conversations with yourself about your own progress. Truthfully, I am proud that I am kinder to health insurance representatives even thought it is really really hard to do.

Enjoy the first breaths of spring and new life. We will never see this spring again!

Beginnings of my call to healing

As the oldest child in the family, ,my mother would ask me to tell her what I thought about different things. I felt very grown up and wise that she asked me for my opinions . I would consider them carefully and then offer her what I felt to be true. As is often the case, she did not listen to me but it started the process of offering counsel.
Friends continued to do that with me as well and often I would get into trouble because they did not want to hear what I offered. We almost never do when we ask for help.
When I was in school in the 60's, there were very few career opportunities open to women so I picked elementary education and psychology. Truthfully, I was not very good at teaching and gave that up after a couple of tries. Then, I had a significant life event happen. I was living in Berkeley, California and started taking classes in all kinds of healing modalities. In the seventies, the really interesting class notices were stapled on telephone poles. I loved these classes in yoga, transcendental meditation, jin shin jytsu and polarity therapy.One day, I took an evening class in polarity therapy,which was a form of healing using proper diet and breathing, and specific sequences of acupressure points. I came out of the workshop and said," I did not know that you could turn physical pain into pleasure". I was 28 and it was the first time in my life that I understood that we could heal ourselves. It was an awesome revelation and I began my journey as a healer!!
PS This is a photograph of a tree on a lake at Omega Institute, Rhinebeck, NY. If you look really closely you will see fairies in the tree. I truly feel like the angels and fairies help me to do my healing work and I have the utmost gratitude for them.

disabilities and abilities

This is an awesome video about a young man, named Patrick Huges, who is blind and unable to walk. When Patrick was asked if he has disabilities, he stated that he only has abilities. He plays piano as if conducted by the angels. What a profound statement. It makes me want to rethink all of my weaknesses as strengths. Perhaps, if I can give my weaknesses a different spin thanI will also be closer to the angels.
As a healer, many times by the end of the day, I am aware of a great deal of physical pain in my body. I feel that I absorb other people's pain. Often it show up in my shoulders, back and legs . I have always had some level of pain in my body. Perhaps, I can see it as an ability to really connect with people and let myself hear the angels talk to me through the process. I would like to do as Mr. Hughes does and see my abilities a little bit differently.
I cannot upload the video but I can tell you to go to you tube and search for Patrick Henry Hughes , a father's love for his son. Sorry about that. Perhaps next time I will have the ability!!

Temple Grandin, an exceptional movie

Temple Grandin was born in 1947 and by the age of 4 had been diagnosed with the label of Autism. This movie is an absolute testimony to the brave soul that has frontiered what it is like to live with autism. In the movie the them is constantly repeated that to be different is not less and that all kinds of door are opening for all of us. The message was awesome and Clare Danes protrayed Temple Grandin in an increditbly authentic and heart felt way.
Gorgeous movie and gorgeous message. This new movie was recently viewed on HBO and I imagine is also available from other sources, ie. Netflix and Blockbuster.
The movie allows us to experience the world in an autistic way. Trust me, afterwards when I was in Barnes and Noble in the Marketfair Mall, I was almost undone by the amount of sounds, smells, traffic, and general chaos that we all take for granted. Be prepared to cry with tears of joy,

Snow day

Snow days remind us to slow down. We have had two no doubt about the fact that they are snow days in the past week . When it snows like this it feels like we are in an altered state. Just when we start to gear back up to our normal high level of activity we are again reminded to slow down.This is a good day to remember how much we take for granted . The ease of travel on the roads, the ease of finding really edible and delicious food, the ease of finding a good price on clothing that we like to wear, the ease of being close to friends and family. I like being reminded that we need to take time for being grateful for these things and so much more.
I played in the snow with my dogs, Roxie and pixie. It was so much fun to see them moving through the snow like bunnies so that they could clear the snow drifts. We have not had a white deep snow like this in a very long time. Enjoy the silence and the stillness. We all could use it.

New website is going up!

Happy New Year to you
My blog will now be connected to my website at www.audreyoxenhorn.com. It is the same address just a very new look. This has been quite a process and definitely one of showing more of who I am. My practice has changed greatly in the past year and it is time to show it more publicly.
I believe that 2010 will be a time of great change. When we look at this past year, pretty much everyone and everything has undergone massive changes. Do you like what you have become? Do you need to tweak things so that you are happier? Now is the time to be more of who you want to be.


The heron goes resolutely about his task of knowing himself and making the needed changes to shift into joy. This watercolor was done on Yupo paper. It is a plastic water color paper that is really wonderful to use.