The Forgotten Ingredient is LOVE

Love 

The forgotten element is love. We say that we love our children but yet we don't act as if we do. We yell at them, hover around them, diminish  them  in front of others and often lie to them . We would be horrified if we knew that we were doing these things.   We often have the best intentions and yet we still do. And  then we wonder why our kids are sad, unhappy and acting out. What if we realized early on that our children are our perfect mirrors and whatever is going on with them is important for us, as well. We will not be able to parent effectively looking at our beautiful mirrors more closely.

For so long we have parented using guilt as a strategy to motivate our children.  Some of us dont really know how to talk to our kids without emotionally overwhelming them. It feels like love and yet it isn't.
The mirror:We are guilty

We have also gotten away with telling them to do things when we are not willing to to do the same things. They may acquiesce for awhile and then they no longer listen.
The mirror: We are not walking our talk

We have parented by not knowing what we want in our own lives and yet ask for our kids to be clear. They get so confused by this double message that they often get angry and can't explain why.
The Mirror:We are confused and living  a life without purpose.


We parent by being reactive to what is going on without seeing the nuances surrounding the dramas.
There are always bigger pictures, bigger stories and yet we only see what is right in front of us. There is important information on the periphery as well.
The Mirror:We are unstable emotionally

We parent by being our children's friends and then they don't listen to us. Our children need us to be their parents who act with clear-ity and love.
The Mirror: We need a life with good adult  friends

Yes,  there are so many opportunities to parent more effectively and I feel that if we change even one of these elements than things will beging to change permanently. What might you do differently?